My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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