Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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