If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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