I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Randomize