Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
