He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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