her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
