My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
