I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
