I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
