You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
