dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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