Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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