We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
