So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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