So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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