I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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