my soul wont recognize me after tonight
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
