I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
