Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
