so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize