just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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