I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
