I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
