We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if only i could text you this smell
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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