just tell him i said nine months
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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