I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's Friday. Sex?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I skipped work to stalk him.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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