there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
