so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
