I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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