Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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