Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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