Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
