she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
