i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize