I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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