wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
