My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
