I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize