I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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