Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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