you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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