You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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