I want to walk on stilts...naked
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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