Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
