I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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