She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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