So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize