I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
