Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
