This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
