Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We're too hungover to prance.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
