Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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