So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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