I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
