living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
