hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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