Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
COCAINE IS GR8
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