I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
