tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
