Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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