you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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