So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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