The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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