She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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