I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
