It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
