Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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