I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
